This being the third night in a row where I have been wide awake, I asked myself, "what is wrong with me?" I realized last night that I worry because these things are out of my control. I feel like I need to do whatever possible to control the situation as best I can. But worrying has gained me no progress and less control, because I am now being controlled by fear. I need to let the One in control, take control. I came accross this article today by Rich Mullins (one of my favorites):
The Sound and The Worry
by Rich Mullins
Release Magazine July/August 1995
We are surrounded by - we are dependent on (and weirdly, quite even indebted to) a hundred million things that are just beyond our reach and completely beyond our control. Things like favorable weather; the honesty and good intentions of those people among and with whom we live, work and play; balanced budgets; tomorrow and tomorrow in its creeping, petty pace; our next paycheck; dependable machinery; our next breath.
A hundred million things. All of them are just as real as they are invisible, just as available as they are necessary, just as likely to fall on the just as on the unjust, as apt to shine on those who worry as on those who hope. (The difference being that those who worry are less able to enjoy things than those who hope.) But for all of us, we are surrounded by things we cannot predict, control, possess or avoid - things that press us and compete for control - a competition that must be decidedly won by "faith" or we will be lost.
It is easy in the frantic, task-driver "day-to-day" for us to lose our "centers" - our souls - our sense of who we are and what is really important. We are haunted by the ghosts of the "what if's" who live in the shadows of the "if only's." They accuse us, torment us, tempt us to abandon the freedom we have in Christ.
But, if we still ourselves, if we let Him calm us, focus us, equip us for the day, He will remind us of our Father's prodigal generosity and about the pitiful weakness of greedy men. He will remind us (as He reminded the devil) that "Man does not live by bread alone," though He may call us (as He called His first disciples) to give bread to the hungry (presumably because man cannot live long without bread). He will remind us about the cares that burden common people, the illusions that blind those the world calls "lucky," and the crippling effects of worry. Then He will give us hope- hope that stretches us (where worry bent us) and faith - faith that sustains us (where greed smothered us) and love - love that is at the bottom of our deepest desires, the loss of which is at the root of all our fears.
The other night I dreamt that I was stuck in an airport terminal - another canceled flight; another long, anxious wait. The place was packed with stranded passengers and misplaced luggage, and I sank into a chair by the phone booths, waiting for the oxygen masks to drop out of the ceilings (it was a dream, remember). Suddenly, I noticed this distressed man, sobbing, pulling his hair out by the handfuls, and so I leaned over to ask him what was the matter and if I could help. "What's wrong, sir?" I asked. He grabbed yet another handful of his hair and sobbed, "I'm afraid I'm going bald!" And so it goes. We are surrounded by a million possibilities, all of which remind us that we are not the "captains of our own fates." As we face these possibilities, let's remember who our captain is. Let us not be made captives of worry.
